Our   Trial   by   Fire
An Essay about Renewing the BX Experience

Xander: Love sucks. Ever since I was in grammar school, it's the same old dance... you dig someone, they dig someone else. And then that someone digs someone else.

Willow: That's the dance.

Xander: I mean, I'm right here for her. I'm the guy. I know it. She's so stupid! She's not stupid. But... it's too much. We're such good buds, I'm this close to her, and she doesn't have a clue how I feel. And wouldn't care if she did. It's killing me.

"Angel" (expurgated)

Times are rough nowadays in the universe of BtVS. We're at a point where our lead can't make a good decision or even make up her mind. She's capricious, wild and uncaring. She's not the Buffy we know and love.

But let's consider something: Buffy died--twice--more times if you count "Doppelgangland." It's kind of hard to adjust to Earth when you've been in a place like Heaven. Here she has to deal with demons, devils and a little sister who's as clueless as she.

I'm pretty sure this is the point where you shrug and say: "So what? She did it all fine before." And that's entirely true; Buffy did. But now she has to contend with these returned, overwhelming feelings of pain, guilt and remorse. What she needs to understand is that, since she's not ready to go back to Heaven, she has to learn to create one here on Earth. And that certainly can't start with obsession; Spike is obsession. What Buffy needs is love--any kind--and the one to stand here and give it to her is her longtime friend Xander.

That said, let me begin this essay with a reminder to you BXers what this relationship (and webpage) is all about. It's about the perservence of hope through all odds. It's about believing in something when you have no logical reason to, and yet you can't let go of it. In short, we are the Xanders of the real world.

Faith is all we have right now. We don't have kisses, hugs and cooings on a daily basis, and yet we still believe. We live in the mottled shadows and in the insignificant moments of interaction between Buffy and Xander. We relish the angst and keep coming back for more.

We have to want this relationship bad enough that we can see it playing in episodes already. Some of us can--those who write mountains of detailed fic--and we choose to share it with others. And yet others can as well, but their hope dwindles because our characters are portrayed as more and more distant with each passing show. We can't let this happen. There are few enough of us as it is, and the hardcore ones are even harder to find.

Part of my faith in this relationship is my knowledge that I've made it this far--until season six--preaching to my fellow watchers about how "BX will happen as sure as the sun will rise." Why would I make such a ludicrious statement if I didn't believe that it would? Giving up my passion so easily would be ensuring world-wide darkness the next day. If you've come this far now on the notion that love is as simple as buttering a piece of bread, then maybe you don't belong as a shipper of BX; try again elsewhere.

The way I see it, Joss has been everything but predicitable. This is a man who will rewrite a whole season if spoilers leak out too quickly. He once said, and wisely so, [sic] "I give the viewers what they need, not what they want." And if the show was good enough to get you hooked in the first place, it's good enough to keep churning out the moments.


  • Unrequited love of your own.
  • You're too stubborn to switch 'ships.
  • You're in love with the dream.
  • You believe Buffy/Xander is a true-to-life scenario.
  • You want to see a good guy finish first.
  • They're your favorite characters.
  • Angst is your life.
  • Friendships can lead to great relationships.
  • You love to make yourself suffer.
  • You can't help but favor an underdog.
  • BX was just meant to be.
  • Remember hope makes us the people that we are in reality. It lets us choose what we want, what we want to obsess about and what 'ships we're passionate about. So, if you really don't want to give up the BX ship, then don't. Indulge in some fics, post on a board and chat with other staunch BXers or email me to talk. I obviously love this ship with as much as I can for all the reasons above and more (especially the stubborn part). If you have any doubts about the bright future of these characters, I'm always willing to talk. If you have AIM, add me at EoCaDHBXS or Gaeavixen.



    better resources. better fanfic. better bx.