Chronicles of the White Knight

By: Taygeta
Chapter One-Loving in the Shadows

He is the white knight that is destined to battle Angelus, the demon of darkness. He secretly loves and protects his true love, the Slayer. He battles not with strength, nor does he battle with force. His battle is won through love, love for a Slayer in love with a demon. He stands in the shadows with his heart of gold, waiting and loving in hopes of a love that can be fought and won. He is Xander, the White Knight.

Xander Harris stared at his reflection in the mirror in his bedroom and sighed pitifully. He couldn't help but wonder if something was wrong with him? What was it that she didn't see in him? What is it that made Buffy see love in a demon?

He resented Angel, more than he liked to admit, but he did. He had despised him for so long that he often wondered how it was possible that he hated Angelus even more. He knew the answer, it all involved Buffy...it always involved Buffy. With Angel, Buffy had been happy and all Xander wanted to do was to make her happy, and he supposed that was why it hurt that she found happiness from outside of him. Yet, with Angelus, all Buffy faced was sorrow and pain and heartache that was so evident in her face and her manner that Xander felt it at a glance, but knew he was helpless to take it all away. Angel had been foe, but Buffy loved him and so Xander could only step away. Angelus, on the other hand, is foe, and he hurt Buffy and in hurting her, he hurt him.

The phone rang loudly and Mrs. Harris yelled to her son that it was Cordelia and he yelled back that he'd call back later. Cordelia thought Xander with a sigh and a half smile. Never did he think that he would be dating Cordelia, never. Half of the time he wondered what she felt about him and the other half spent fearing for his life. Not that Cordy was all that bad for his health, it was just that he sometimes felt that he was cheating himself and cheating her in the process. So maybe he would never get Buffy, and maybe Cordelia was who he should be with, but everything was a huge gigantic maybe with Cordy. Yet, every time he saw Buffy, everything said yes, and Cordy...well, Cordy was a maybe, a possibility.

He didn't know why he always contemplated this to himself. It was practically on a daily basis. He wouldn't see how Buffy could ever love him or ever try, he wasn't the big hero like Angel was to her, even though he fought for the sake of her for more times than she would ever know. He guessed that that was all he could do since he could only love in the shadows.